Thank You for Smoking Quotes
Nick Naylor: My job requires a certain... moral flexibility.
Heather Holloway: My other interviews have pinned you as a mass murderer, blood sucker, pimp, profiteer and my personal favorite, yuppie Mephistopheles.
Bobby Jay Bliss: The way I heard it, D.C. police found you naked, laying in Lincoln's crotch, covered in nicotine patches with a sign across your chest that said...
Polly Bailey: He doesn't need to hear the details.
Bobby Jay Bliss: It was some pretty fucked up shit.
Polly Bailey: Shh!
BR: People, what is going on out there? I look down this table, all I see are white flags. Our numbers are down all across the board. Teen smoking, our bread and butter, is falling like a shit from heaven! We don't sell Tic Tacs for Christ's sake. We sell cigarettes. And they're cool and available and *addictive*. The job is almost done for us!
Joey Naylor: Dad, why is American government the best government?
Nick Naylor: Because of our endless appeal system.
Joan Lunden: Robin Williger. He is a 15 year old freshman from Racine, Wisconsin. He enjoys studying history; he's on the debate team. Robin's future looked very, very bright. But recently he was diagnosed with cancer, a very tough kind of cancer. Robin tells me he has quit smoking, though, and he no longer thinks that cigarettes are "cool."
Jack: Alright come here, this is my favourite part. That one right there...
[points in pool of fish]
Jack: It's 7000 dollars.
Nick Naylor: 7000 for a fish?
Jack: Yep, kinda makes you wanna stop eating sushi, but I guess you kinda have to.
Jack: See that big white one right there?
Jack: Swear to you, 12000, gift from Oprah.
BR: We don't sell Tic Tacs, we sell cigarettes. And they're cool, available, and *addictive*. The job is almost done for us.
Polly Bailey: You didn't tell her about us, did you?
Nick Naylor: Who? Heather? No!... I mean, maybe in passing.
Polly Bailey: In passing.
Bobby Jay Bliss: Oh God, he fucked her. I tried to warn you...
Polly Bailey: Hey, he didn't fuck her. You didn't fuck her, did you? [Nick doesn't answer] When?
Bobby Jay Bliss: In passing.
Jack: As you can see, Jeff just loves... Asian shit.
Jeff Megall: Oh, stop. Next thing I know, he'll be telling you what position I used to play for the Bruins.
Jack: Okay, I'm gonna bring your dad in now. Is there anything I can get you, like an orange juice, or a coffee, or a Red Bull?
Joey Naylor: No, thanks.
[High fives Joey]
Joey Naylor: Why did you tell that reporter all your secrets?
Nick Naylor: You're too young to understand.
Joey Naylor: Mom says it's because you have dependency issues and it was all just a matter of time before you threw it all away on some tramp.
Nick Naylor: Well, that's one theory.
Brad: Nick, your job and everything aside, I hope you understand that second hand smoke's a real killer.
Nick Naylor: What are you talking about?
Brad: I just hope you're providing a smoke-free environment for Joey is all I'm saying.
Nick Naylor: Brad, I'm his *father*. You're the guy fucking his mom.
Brad: That was unnecessary.
[after one of Naylor's speeches]
Trainee: That was awesome!
Nick Naylor: Thank you.
Jack: That sand's not gonna rake itself, Hiroshi.
Nick Naylor: Gentlemen, practise these words in front of the mirror: Although we are constantly exploring the subject, currently there is no direct evidence that links cellphone usage to brain cancer.
Nick Naylor: Michael Jordan plays ball. Charles Manson kills people. I talk. Everyone has a talent.
Nick Naylor: After watching the footage of the Kent State shootings, Bobby Jay, then seventeen, signed up for the National Guard so that he, too, could shoot college students.
[Nick and Heather are introducing themselves to each other]
Heather Holloway: Heather Holloway.
Nick Naylor: Nick Naylor. Big Tobacco.
Heather Holloway: [holds up tape recorder] Is this kosher?
Nick Naylor: Only if I can call you Heather.
Heather Holloway: By all means. So, Mr. Naylor...
Nick Naylor: [interrupting] Nick.
Heather Holloway: Nick. Let's start with...
Nick Naylor: '82 Margaux.
Heather Holloway: Okay. Is it good?
Nick Naylor: "Good"? It'll make you believe in God.
Nick Naylor: Bobby Jay works for S.A.F.E.T.Y., the Society for the Advancement of Firearms and Effective Training for Youth. After watching the footage of the Kent State shootings, Bobby Jay, then seventeen, signed up for the National Guard so that he too could shoot college students. But, the National Guard recruiter was out to lunch, so Bobby Jay ended up shooting Panamanians instead. Which is almost as fun as shooting college students, only they shoot back.