Bill Maher: Do you believe in evolution?
Mark Pryor: I don't know. The scientific community is a little divided on the specifics of that. And I understand...
Bill Maher: I don't think they are.
Mark Pryor: No... no... well...
Bill Maher: I think they pretty much agree.
Mark Pryor: [grins] I don't know what happened...
Bill Maher: That's religion. You pray. You bow. You kneel. You fast. You trim the balls of a giant space penis.
Bill Maher: [in a deleted scene on the DVD] Religions are maintained by people. People who can't get laid, because sex is the first great earthly pleasure. But if you can't get that, power is a pretty good second one. And that's what religion gives to people. Power. Power is sex for people who can't get or don't want or aren't any good at sex itself.
Bill Maher: Rational people, anti-religionists, must end their timidity and come out of the closet and assert themselves. And those who consider themselves only moderately religious really need to look in the mirror and realize that the solace and comfort that religion brings you actually comes at a terrible price.
Bill Maher: Do you think it's possible that when we're on something like marijuana or mushrooms and we believe we're having a really spiritual experience that we're just high?
Bill Maher: The plain fact is religion must die for mankind to live. The hour is getting very late to be able to indulge in having key decisions made by religious people - by irrationalists - by those who would steer the ship of state, not by a compass, but by the equivalent of reading the entrails of a chicken.
Bill Maher: Now, the angels went to the house of the one Godly man in town - Lot. And the townspeople tried to rape them. Now, Lot, not wanting his town to get the reputation as the kind of place that would rape angels, offered up to the mob his own daughters to rape. And he was the good guy in town. Which brings me to this question: If I ever had to swear an oath, why would I want to put my hand on the King James Bible? I think I could find more morality in the Rick James Bible.
Bill Maher: If you believe that the world is going to come to an end - and perhaps any day now - does it not drain one's motivation to improve life on earth while we're here?
Bill Maher: [in a deleted scene on the DVD] And then we get here and five minutes after we arrive, the skies open up. It's completely nice and there was a rainbow above the thing we were shooting. So, I don't know, if God didn't want us to shoot, he sure fucked up today. [giggles]
Bill Maher: Why is faith good?
Bill Maher: More people [in America] doubted evolution, than any other country on that list [of industrialized nations] except I think it was Turkey.
Jeremiah Cummings: [a Christian reverend] Okay, but now, but now, things like houses and cars and clothes and money, they come as a result of my seeking God first.
Bill Maher: I don't remember that in the New Testament specifically.
[a subtitle appears - "Because it's not there."]
Jeremiah Cummings: But it's there.
[Subtitle - "No it's not."]
Jeremiah Cummings: I remember it.
Bill Maher: A passage about...
Jeremiah Cummings: I remember it.
[Subtitle - "I'm sure you do."]
Bill Maher: The houses, the cars and the clothes, they'll come.
Bill Maher: It's like the lotto. "You can't get saved if you don't play."
Bill Maher: [in a deleted scene on the DVD] How spiritually advanced is Uranus?
Himself (Creme, Benjamin (II)): Very. Very. Very.
Bill Maher: There's more than one mosque in the world that used to be a church and before that was a temple. Because it's a lot easier to just change the sign on the top and say "under new management" than it is to change the whole building.
Bill Maher: See, this is my problem, I'm trying - I mean, you're - you're a Senator. You are one of the very few people who are really running this country. It worries me that people are running my country who think - who believe in a talking snake. Um...
Mark Pryor: [Arkansas' Democratic Senator] You don't have to pass an IQ test to be in the Senate, though. [chuckles]
Bill Maher: Gay Muslim activists. That is a very rare job description. You guys have big ones.
Bill Maher: I know what you're thinking. I'm standing in front of a green screen at a studio in Burbank, California, and they digitized the Vatican in behind me. No, no, that's really the Vatican. I ought to know. I just got thrown out of it. See, I wanted to interview the Pope, but I was willing to settle for a cardinal or a monsignor, or the flying nun - really anybody, but apparently I've been on the Catholic shit list for quite a while. But that's their loss, 'cause now I'm gonna say what I *really* think, which is mainly: [referring to the Vatican] does that look like anything Jesus Christ had in mind? [to Father Reginald Foster, a Senior Vatican Priest] When you look at a building like that, a giant palace, does it seem at odds with the message of the founder?
Reginald Foster: Well, certainly.
Bill Maher: [giggles] Well, thank you.
Reginald Foster: I mean, that's obvious.
Bill Maher: It really is obvious, isn't it? But does it bother you?
Reginald Foster: [stammering] Well, I mean - well, yes it does. I wouldn't - if I were the boss, I wouldn't be living there.
Bill Maher: There's been more killing in the name of "my God."
Mark Pryor: [Arkansas' Democratic Senator] So you think we indigously [made up word] or just by our DNA, we just somehow know that killing another person is wrong? I'm not sure that is the case.
Bill Maher: Really? We need God to decide not to kill each other?
Mark Pryor: Well, you can look back at more primitive cultures and they were constantly at war. [subtitled "Modern Culture," war footage is shown]
[subtitled "Modern Culture," war footage of bombings and mass destruction is shown]
Bill Maher: You know, Scientologists... [sound of audience laughing] And right, you're like, "Oh, yeah, that's some crazy shit. Okay." Jesus with the virgin birth and the dove and the snake who talked in the garden, that's cool. But the Scientologists, they're the crazy ones.