#1 Dave: Hi, my name is Dave and I am sexually compulsive.
#2 [Regarding his brush with Mother Theresa] Jeffrey: She looked good. Sterling: Please, she's had work done.
#3 Acolyte: I can walk! Jeffrey: You could always walk. Acolyte: Shut up.
#4 Jeffrey: I will find a substitute for sex. Sex Lite. Sex Helper. I Can't Believe It's Not Sex!
#5 Jeffrey: Dad, I am not going to have phone sex with you and mom!
#6 [Father Dan has just tried to kiss Jeffrey] Jeffrey: Wait! You're really a priest? Father Dan: Of course. Jeffrey: But... I mean, aren't you supposed to be straight and celibate? Father Dan: Maybe you didn't hear me. I'm a CATHOLIC priest. Historically, that falls somewhere between chorus boy and florist.
#7 Skip Winkley: Who is your biggest sexual fantasy? Barney's Waiter: [wipes the side of his mouth seductively] Den-ZEL Washington. Jeffrey: The guy at the gym. Sterling: Yoko Ono.
[everyone looks at Sterling with a suprised look] Sterling: To see the apartment!
#8 Sterling: [putting on a red shawl] Can I do this, or will I look like some sort of gay superhero?
#9 Mom: Sweetheart, are you a top or a bottom?
#10 Jeffrey: But Darius is a dancer. He's in "Cats." Sterling: Exactly. I said you needed a boyfriend, not a person.
#11 Darius: Yes, I am in CATS. Now and forever. The way I see it, I was too young for Chorus Line, and too "happy" for Les Mis. I never did get that show. It's about a guy, who steals a loaf of bread, and then suffers for the rest of his life. For toast! Get over it.
#12 Debra Moorhouse: It all goes back to mother, doesn't it? Did you love your mother? Acolyte: Yes. Debra Moorhouse: Don't lie to me. I'll call her.
#13 Barney's Waiter: BI-SEXUAL! Sterling: Oh, me too...
#14 Darius: I love the Nutcracker. You know when I was a kid I was always afraid of the dancing mice. Now I'm a cat. Sterling: His therapist is ecstatic.
#15 Darius: Who's Martha Stewart? Sterling: She writes picture books about gracious living. Martha says that nothing else matters if you can do a nice dried floral arrangement. I worship her. Darius: And, um, who's Ann Miller? Sterling: Leave this house.
#16 TV Reporter: So what happens after today's parade? Sterling: Angelique is going to remove her penis! Mrs. Marcangelo: It's coming *right* off!
#17 Sterling: Two cappuccinos. Thank you, darling. Big kiss. The earring - fun... last year.
#18 Sterling: You know, Darius once said you were the saddest person he knew. Jeffrey: Why did he say that? Sterling: Because he was sick. He had a fatal disease. And he was a million times happier than you.
#19 Darius: Just think of AIDS as the guest that won't leave, the one we all hate. But you have to remember: Hey! It's still our party.
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