House of 1000 Corpses Quotes
Baby: You know we like to get fucked up?
Gerry Ober: Yeah, I like to get fucked up too!
Baby: Yeah, I'll bet you do.
Otis: Better you leave here with your head still full of kitty cats and puppy dogs.
Otis: Hey, happy boy, step your ass up here.
Baby: Take his gag out. It's more fun with the screaming.
Mother: I like that too. That screaming is much more exciting that way.
[They remove Jerry's gag]
Jerry Goldsmith: Please don't kill us, please don't kill us.
Baby: [imitating Jerry] Please don't kill us... nah... please don't kill us.
Otis: Shut your mouth and get your shit in the box. Get in now.
Mother: Wait, wait, wait... I wanna say goodbye.
[Mama Firefly grabs Jerry by the collar and gives him a big kiss]
Mother: Goodbye, sweetie. We could've been great.
Otis: Ain't we just having a fucking hoot?
Jerry Goldsmith: Just let us go, I swear to God we won't tell anyone. I swear...
Mother: Honey, you know I can't do that.
Otis: Ain't we just having a fucking hoot?
Rufus 'R.J.' Firefly Jr.: Get your fucking ass up, boy.
Otis: Come on, we ain't got all night.
[Rufus grabs Jerry and body slams him into the coffin while Mary breaks free and runs off]
Otis: Where does she think she's gonna run to? She gonna run all the way home?
Baby: No, let me get her.
Otis: All right, go get her.
Lt. George Wydell: [holds a photo of Denise] Have you seen this girl in the past 24 hours?
Captain Spaulding: Yeah, cute kid. Ain't my type though. You know, I like 'em with a little more meat on 'em. Ha ha. The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'.
Deputy Steve Naish: Come on clownie, just answer the damn questions. We ain't interested in your love life.
Lt. George Wydell: Cut the crap Spaulding and get with the facts.
Baby: Give me a "B", give me an "A", give me a "B" give me a "Y", What's that spell? What's that spell? WHAT'S THAT SPELL?
Otis: Boy, I bet you'd stick your head in fire if I told ya you could see Hell. Meanwhile, you're too stupid to realize you got a demon stickin' out your ass singing, "Holy Miss Moley, [Whole family joins in] Got me a live one."
Baby: Hey, Poopy-pants. What's new?
Baby: So, how much we owe you, Goober?
Gerry Ober: Oh, that's supposed to be G. Ober, for Gerry Ober, but Karl went and put an extra "o" made it Goober. Fucking asshole.
Baby: Great story, Goober. How much we owe you?
Gerry Ober: Well, the damage is pretty severe... $185.
Baby: That ain't gonna break my bank, hon. Here, keep the change. Go buy yourself a new name... Goober!
Otis: Shut your mouth!
Otis: I said, shut your fucking mouth!
Otis: Listen, you Malibu middle class Barbie piece of shit, I'm tryin' to work here. Work? You ever work? Yeah, I'll bet you have. Scoopin' ice cream to your shit-heel friends on summer break. Well I ain't talkin' about no goddamn white socks with Mickey Mouse on one side and Donald Duck on the other. I ain't readin' no funny books, mama. Our bodies come and go but this blood... is forever.
Otis: Huntin' humans ain't nothin' but nothin'. They all run like scared little rabbits. Run, rabbit, run. Run, rabbit. Run, rabbit. Run rabbit. Run, rabbit, run! RUN, RABBIT, RUN!
Otis: I'm the one who brings the Christmas candy. Now tell me, who's your daddy? I'm the one who brings the devil's brandy.
Mother: Who's your daddy?
Otis: I'm the one who beats you when you're bad.
Baby: Who's your daddy?
Mother: Who's your daddy?
Otis: [walking to Denise, while wearing her father's skin] Come on, sweetie. Give the old man some sugar.
Denise Willis: Daddy, Daddy.
Otis: [taking off his robe] And I'm the one who loves ya when you're fucking dead!
Captain Spaulding: [written in Cap. Spaulding's t-shirt] "If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I'd fart."
Dr. Wolfenstein: AHHAHHA! The doctor is in! Its your ghost host, with the most! It's Dr. Wolfenstein!
Stucky: [shows a topless autographed photo of June Wilkinson] Shit, I can't do nothing with this now. I can't get rid of this. It ain't worth nothing. My name's all over it. I was gonna fix it to trade it with Jackie Cobb.
Captain Spaulding: That retard who hangs out at Molly's fruit stand? For the lot of me, I do not understand why you hang out with that asshole.
Stucky: He's one horney retard.
Captain Spaulding: Well hell, arn't they all? All they want to do is eat and fuck.
Stucky: Well, if you knew him better you might understand his urges.
Captain Spaulding: Worse than a rabid-ass baboon.
Stucky: You know what his favorite thing is next to whacking his weasel? He takes a sharpened pencil, sticks it in his eyeball and twists it.
Captain Spaulding: What?
Stucky: He doesn't hurt himself. He kind of twists it next to his eyeball.
Captain Spaulding: Oh, he's been putting that pencil someplace other than his eyeball.
Stucky: Oh no, he don't do anything like that. Although one time, he got caught with a Planet of the Apes doll stuck up his asshole.
Captain Spaulding: [laughing] God damn!
Stucky: They had to take him to the hospital. The kid had Dr. Zaius stuck halfway up his butt and they couldn't get it out!
Mary Knowles: Why are you doing this?
Otis: Doing what? Messy up your day?
Mary Knowles: Where's Bill? Where's Bill?
Mary Knowles: Is he okay?
Otis: He's a good guy. Oh, he's been a great help to me! A real blessin'. I mean, I couldn't have asked for a better speciman. You don't know what kind of dry spell I've had here. Total block, total block! But Bill... he's okay.
Mary Knowles: Where is he? Where is he? Can I see him? Can I see Bill, please?
Otis: Let's go see. Behold... Fishboy!
[Otis pulls back a curtain to reveal Bill's mutliated corpse]
Mary Knowles: Oh my god! Oh my god, Bill! No, no, this can't be real. This can't be real, this can't be real, this can't be real.
Otis: Oh, it's real. As real as I want it to be, mama.
[Otis kisses Mary]
Mary Knowles: Fuck you, you fucking freak!
Announcer: Attention boils and ghouls, it's time for Dr. Wolfenstein's Creature Feature Show.
Dr. Wolfenstein: Ah! The doctor is in! Don't scream, don't move. Stay tuned for channel 68's Halloween Eve movie marathon! I'm your host, your ghost ghost, with the most, Dr. Wolfenstein! I will be with you until the end!
Baby: These are all my dolls. I used to like to chop their heads off and their arms and stick 'em up on the wall.
Deputy Steve Naish: Chief if you ask me I'd say these kids got a cold six and are out getting shitfaced right now
Lt. George Wydell: Boy, I sure hope you're right. My guts are telling me different.
Deputy Steve Naish: You're spidey senses tinglin?
Lt. George Wydell: [nodding head as he says it] Mmm-hmm... yeah. [realizing what Nash said] WHAT?
Deputy Steve Naish: You know Georgie... Like in the marvel comics...
Lt. George Wydell: [getting irritated] How old do you think I am boy? I know Spiderman! Just get to your point!
Deputy Steve Naish: You know like when he was fighting people like that damn... what the hell was his name? [thinks hard] aww shit. I cant remember.
Lt. George Wydell: I myself always favored for the hulk.
Deputy Steve Naish: The hulk was dumb as shit!
Lt. George Wydell: Ahh fuck! Damn!
Deputy Steve Naish: What?
Lt. George Wydell: [sarcastic] Nothing.
Baby: We like to get fucked up, and do fucked up shit.
[From the DVD menu select screen]
Captain Spaulding: Well, shit the bed! Howdy folks, come on in! Well, I can see by those fancy britches and sassy hairdos that you all ain't from around here. So, where ya from? [holds hand to ear] I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. Ah, I see. All ya all's must be mutes, cause ya wouldn't be fuckin' with me, now would ya?