#1 Rod Kimble: [singing] Ohhh when you're going on a date, and you put on a shirt! And you ride your bike to the daaaaate!
#2 Rod Kimble: You're wrong, Frank. I'm not a kid, I'm a man. I am gonna get you better, and then I'm gonna beat you to death!
#3 Denise: I'm sorry, Rod. What were you going to ask me? Rod Kimble: Um, I was gonna ask you who you think would win in a fight between... a grilled cheese sandwich and a taco. Denise: Is that what you were really going to ask me? Rod Kimble: Of course. Denise: Well, I think the grilled cheese sandwich - in a fair fight. But if it was prison rules, I'd put my money on the taco. Rod Kimble: Wow, that's pretty racist but correct. I'll see you later.
#4 Rod Kimble: Did you reinforce the take-off ramp? Rico: No, we didn't have time. Rod Kimble: [unsure] Cool.
#5 Denise: Who cares what anyone thinks? Rod Kimble: You don't get it, do you Denise? I used to be legit. In fact, I was too legit. I was too legit to quit. But now I'm not legit. I'm un-legit. And for that reason I must quit. Denise: You don't mean that. Rod Kimble: Yeah, I do... Stay Sweet.
[Turns around and walks away]
#6 Dave: You know, pools are perfect for holding water...
#7 Rod Kimble: We don't talk much, do we? Kathy, was it? My name's Rod. I do awesome stunts all the time with my friends. You probably didn't know that. And you probably have lots of cool stuff about you that I don't know. Point is, if you don't sit down with someone and really talk and get to know them you'll never find those things out. So what do you say? Wanna make this thing official?
#8 Marie Powell: It's nice to see him smiling again. Rod Kimble: He won't be smiling -...
[yelling] Rod Kimble: WHEN I MURDER HIM!
#9 Frank Powell: Never sneak up on a man who's been in a chemical fire.
#10 Dave: Oh, man, he hit his ass with a parking cone! Nice.
#11 Rod Kimble: I'm officially kicking off Phase Two: Operation Fiscal Jackhammer.
#12 Dave: Hey, Rod, thanks for the ride.
[Rod sees a chunk of metal lodged in Dave's eye and they both scream] Dave: Hey, buddy. How's it going? Rod Kimble: Dave, what happened to your eye? Dave: This? Is it really noticeable? Rod Kimble: Yeah! Dave: Is it really noticeable? Rod Kimble: Yeah! Dave: Oh, man, it's totally serendipitous. Well, I got off work early, and you know my buddy Derrick? Well he was like, "I've got this acid, but I can't do it." And I was all like, "Well, I'll do it." So I did it. And by the time I got on my banana board, man, I was... I was tripping balls pretty hard, man. So I decided to get on my bench grinder, and a piece of metal flew up and hit me right in the eye. It was pretty awesome. And that brings us to now. Rod Kimble: Yeah, well, just try and relax. Dave: Can do, man. Can do. I'm gonna be honest with you, Rod. You look like a giant eagle with fire all around you, and you've got a mountain for a face. Rod Kimble: I'm guessing that's the drugs, Dave. Dave: Yeah, but it's also just kind of weird seeing you drive this minivan. Rod Kimble: Yeah, well, it's my mom's. Dave: Balls, man! We just ran over a small bus. This really small bus, we just ran over it. Rod Kimble: I didn't see anything. Dave: Hey, we're here. Seriously, man, this is one of the top-ten nicest things anybody has ever done for me.
#13 Cathy: Why do you call yourself Voltron, Dave? Dave: I don't know, Cathy, maybe because it's *super* badass?
#14 Rod Kimble: I used to be legit. I was too legit. I was too legit to quit. but now I'm not legit. I'm unlegit. And for that reason, I must quit.
#15 Furious Boss: You're a terrible stuntman. Rod Kimble: What? Furious Boss: [louder] You're a terrible stuntman. Rod Kimble: What? Furious Boss: [screaming] You're a terrible stuntman! Rod Kimble: Haha, I'm just kidding. I could hear you. It was just really mean.
#16 Rod Kimble: I'd rather die than live in a world where I can't kick your ass.
#17 Rod Kimble: [guessing the flavors of Jelly Belly's] Toasted marshmallow. Kevin Powell: Right.
[hands him another] Rod Kimble: [confused look] Raspberry? Kevin Powell: [looks down in disappointment] Rod Kimble: Psych! Very Cherry. Kevin Powell: Right. A hundred straight!
#18 Kevin Powell: Hey, Rod, what's that song about a grandma getting run over by a reindeer? Rod Kimble: "Grandma Got Run over by a Reindeer"? Kevin Powell: [swivels hips] noooo...!
#19 Dave: I have various responsibilities within the crew. I'm kind of a jack-of-all-trades, really. I, one time, manned a flamethrower. High School Girl: Cool. Dave: Of course it's cool. It's awesome as shit.
#20 Newswoman: The dog walked itself home, ate a pizza and took a nap.
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