Employee of the Month

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Employee of the Month Quotes

#1
Jorge: [looking at the defaced picture of Vince]... I love ah-nall, who's ah-nall?
Vince: It's ANAL, dumbass!
Jorge: You do?
#2
Lon: What the fuck?
#3
Vince: This is an '81 Honda! How dare you!
#4
Vince: Well, I guess I can get a little anal...
Zack: Actually, I hear he gets alot.
#5
Russell: You're like the drummer from REO Speedwagon. Nobody knows who you are.
#6
Granny: Zacky! What's my pin number?
Zack: 1234 Grandma, now we have to change it again!
#7
Russell: Jesus Christ. Where the hell are we, Chuck E. Cheese-istian?
#8
Semi: Watch the oats! Watch the oats!
#9
Vince: [Jorge takes out a knife while they are in Zack's house, changing all the clocks, and his grandmother comes into the room] What are you doing? There are no weapons in this mission. I will not do time for you. I will roll over on you.
#10
Attractive Woman: Are you staring at my breasts?
Lon: I don't know.
#11
Granny: Don't forget to wash your balls.
#12
Lon: Wow, that's gotta hurt. I mean, he's always doin' that to you. Stealing your thunder. You remember the red head? In gardening? Boinked her behind the monkey grass. And the asian in automotive? Did her on a pile of carburetors. Oh, and the blonde in frozen foods, with the... Doink! Doink! Turkeys done! Remember her?
Lon: [sticks his fingers out of his chest]
#13
Iqbal: Do it for pride, the rest will come... including the girl.
#14
Vince: Is your name Semi because you're the size of a huge Mack truck or because you're semi-retarded?
Semi: I don't know.
#15
Vince: [after Vince is revealed to have been giving stuff away, he runs off and Semi tackles him to the ground] [writhes in pain] Now I know why they call you "Semi"
#16
Semi: [after removing a gold "Employee Of The Month" star from a safe] Pretty!
#17
Grumpy Lady: [Woman struggling to load a casket onto a cart] Damn! The thing's heavier than it looks.
Zack: Hi, do you need some help with that?
Grumpy Lady: Yes, thank you. [They get the casket into the cart]
Grumpy Lady: It's for my husband.
Zack: Oh, I'm sorry to hear about that.
Grumpy Lady: Oh, he's not dead. Not yet. It's just too good a deal to pass up.
Zack: Well, do you need some help getting it to your car?
Grumpy Lady: No, thank you. The lazy prick's waiting for me. I'm gonna make him load it.
Zack: Well, good luck murdering your husband. [Woman laughs]
Zack: If you need my help, holler.
Grumpy Lady: [Woman on her way out of the store] Excuse me.
Dirk: Yes?
Grumpy Lady: That young man is wonderful. I'll be back for sure, just because of him.
Dirk: [Dirk looks at Vince] Oh, that man there? No surprise.
Grumpy Lady: No.
Grumpy Lady: [Woman goes over to Zack] This is the guy. He's a wonderful fella.
Dirk: Well thank you. May I help you find your way to your car?
Grumpy Lady: I know where it is. Idiot.
#18
Semi: [while Zack is recovering from running into a wooden pallet] And if you pass out, you call 911!
#19
Russell: Check it out guy, he's the alpha male of the store... chicks always go after the alpha male, they're like lions... kings of the desert. And you, you're just a little tiny fieldmouse dangling in the teeth of the lion while he's banging your chick. Oh wait a minute... boxboy, you're like the little hairy nutsack on the little hairy fieldmouse swinging back and forth while he's banging your chick...
Zack: [radio] You're metaphors are magical, but shut the hell up! please?

[radio]
Russell: [radio] Roger... Just going back and forth hairy calahari style in and out with his big...

[radio]
#20
Zack: [Zack holds up a mop preparing to go clean up a spill, when Vince appears out of a break room with a mop] You have got to be kidding MEEEEEEEEEEE!