#1 Velma Kelly: My sister Veronica and I had this double act, and my husband Charlie traveled around with us. Now for the last number in our act we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row: one, two, three, four, five, splits, spread-eagles, back-flips, flip-flops, one right after the other. So this one night before the show we're at the hotel Cicero, the three of us boozin, having a few laughs, and we run out of ice, so I run out to get some. I come back, open the door, and there's Veronica and Charlie doing number 17, the spread-eagle. Well, I was in such a state of shock that I completely blacked out; I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead.
#2 Billy Flynn: I don't want ya to give a damn when people... Amos: When people what? Billy Flynn: Laugh. Amos: Laugh? Why would they laugh? Billy Flynn: 'Cause they can count. Can you count?
#3 Velma Kelly: [Rising from the stage alone] 'C'mon Babe, why don't we paint the town... And all that Jazz. I'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down... And all Jazz. Start the car I know a whoopie spot... where the gin is cold and the piano's hot. It's just a noisy hall, where there's a nightly brawl... And all that Jazz.
#4 Roxie: Oh, Miss Kelly, got your personals. freshly pressed by yours truly. [Velma pulls some cash out of her shirt] No, no, it's my pleasure. Velma Kelly: [Begins to walk away] Roxie: Hey, can i ask you something? [Velma turns around] You know that Harrison guy? Well he said what I done is a hangin' case and that he's prepared to ask for the maximum penalty. Velma Kelly: Yea? So? Roxie: So, I'm scared, I would really appreciate some advice, especially from someone I admire as much as you.You see, since I can remember, I have wanted to be on the stage. [Smiles] Velma Kelly: Oh really? What's your talent? Washin' and dryin'? Roxie: [Smile fades] No, no, I danced in the chorus. Velma Kelly: Oh. Roxie: Well, that was before I met my husband, Amos... Velma Kelly: Look, honey, you want some advice? Well, here it is, direct from me to you. Keep your paws off my underwear, 'kay? Roxie: Yeah, okay. Thanks. Roxie: [Once Velma is out of earshot] For nothin'
#5 Roxie: Say it again, Fred! Fred Casely: You're a star, kid! My little shooting star!
#6 Liz: You know how some people have these little habits that get you down? Like Bernie. Bernie liked to chew gum. No, not chew. POP. So I come home from work one night and I'm real irritated, and I'm looking for a little sympathy. And there's Bernie, lying on the couch, drinking a beer and chewin'. No, not chewin'. POPPIN'. So I said "If you pop that gum one more time..." And he did. So I took the shotgun off the wall and fired two warning shots... into his head.
#7 Roxie: And then I started foolin' around... and then I started screwin' around, which is foolin' around without dinner.
#8 Roxie: Don't you wanna take my picture?
#9 Roxie: He was trying to burgle me. Assistant District Attorney Martin Harrison: From what I hear, he's been burgling you three times a week for the past month.
#10 Velma Kelly: [about Roxie] First she steals my publicity. Then she steals my lawyer, my trial date. And now she steals my goddamn garter.
#11 Velma Kelly: Find a flask, we're playing fast and loose And all that jazz. Right up here is where I store the juice... And all that jazz.
#12 Roxie Hart: [singing] Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes we both, oh yes we both, oh yes we both reached for the gun, the gun, the gun, the gun. Oh, yes, we both reached for the gun, for the gun.
#13 Billy Flynn: My client feels that it was a combination of liquor and jazz that led to the downfall.
#14 Roxie: You were mentioned in the paper today, in the back with the obituaries. 'Velma Kelly's trial has been post-poned indefinitely.' Seven words.
#15 Matron Mama Morton: They say that life is tit for tat, and that's the way I live... so I deserve a lotta tat for what I've got to give.
#16 Billy Flynn: [to Roxie] You are a phony celebrity. You're a flash in the pan. In a couple of weeks, no one's gonna give a shit about you. *That's* Chicago.
#17 Roxie: [singing] I can't stand that sap. Amos: What a sap I was.
#18 Roxie: You're, THE Velma Kelly. I was there the night you got arrested. Velma Kelly: Yeah? You and half of Chicago.
#19 Billy Flynn: Miss Kelly, do you know the meaning of perjury? Velma Kelly: Yes, I do Billy Flynn: You also know that it's a crime? Velma Kelly: Yes Billy Flynn: For example, if you knew this diary was a fake, I'd hate to see you rot away in prison especially since you just won your freedom... Velma Kelly: Look, all I know is what I was told! Billy Flynn: Oh, so you didn't find this diary in Roxie's cell? Velma Kelly: No. Mama - Miss Morton gave it to me. She said someone sent it to her Billy Flynn: Someone... did she have any idea who this mysterious benefactor could be? Velma Kelly: [Irritated] No, she didn't know!
#20 Roxie: I'm gonna be a celebrity, that means somebody everyone knows. They're gonna recognize my eyes, my hair, my teeth, my boobs, my nose.
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