Batman Returns

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Batman Returns Quotes

#1
The Penguin: Just relax. I'll take care of the squealing, wretched, pinhead puppets of Gotham!
#2
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: I wish I could hand out World Peace and Unconditional Love, wrapped in a big bow.
The Penguin: [Watching from behind the sewer grill] Oh, but you can! Oh, but you will!
#3
Selina Kyle: How can you be so mean to someone so meaningless?
#4
Selina Kyle: Honey, I'm home. Oh, I forgot. I'm not married.
#5
Catwoman: I don't know about you, Miss Kitty, but I feel so much yummier.
#6
The Penguin: [spinning an umbrella with hypnotic swirls painted on] What you hide, I discover. What you put in your toilet, I place on my mantle. Get the picture?
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: What is that supposed to do? Hypnotize me?
The Penguin: No, just give you a splitting headache.
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Well, it's not working.

[Penguin jerks the umbrella, which fires a shot, and Max jumps]
The Penguin: Ah, you big baby. Just blanks.
#7
The Penguin: [to Catwoman] Just the pussy I've been lookin' for!
#8
The Penguin: Actually, this is all just a bad dream. You're at home, in bed, heavily sedated, resting comfortably, dying from the carcinogens you personally spewed in a lifetime of profiteering. Tragic irony or poetic justice, you tell me.
#9
The Penguin: True. I was their number one son, and they treated me like number two.
#10
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: I'd offer you a coffee, but my assistant is using her vacation time.
Bruce Wayne: Good time, too. Everyone but the bandits will be slacking off till after New Year, anyway.
#11
Catwoman: I thought you were just going to scare the Ice Princess.
The Penguin: She looked pretty scared to me!
#12
Bruce Wayne: [notices Selina's injuries] What happened?
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Did you injure yourself on that ski slope? Is that why you cut short your vacation and came back?
Selina Kyle: You know, it's... a blur. I-I mean, not complete amnesia. I-I-I - I remember Sister Mary Margaret puking in church and Betsy Riley saying it was morning sickness and I remember the time I forgot to wear my underpants to school and the name of the boy who noticed was Ricky Friedberg. [smile vanishes] He's dead now. But last night: complete blur. Couldn't you just die?
#13
[Catwoman is hit]
Catwoman: How could you? I'm a woman.
Batman: I'm sorry, I-I...

[she hits him]
Catwoman: As I was saying, I'm a woman and can't be taken for granted. Life's a bitch, now so am I.
#14
The Penguin: I could really get into this mayor stuff. It's not about power, it's about reaching out to people - touching people - groping people!
#15
The Penguin: Check it out. We're gonna disassemble his Batmobile and turn it into an H-bomb on wheels.
Catwoman: No, no, he'd have even more power as a martyr. To destroy Batman, we must first turn him into what he hates the most. Namely us.
#16
The Penguin: Touring the riot scene. Gravely assessing the devastation. Upstanding mayor stuff.
Batman: You're not the mayor.
The Penguin: Things change.
#17
The Penguin: You're just jealous, because I'm a genuine freak and you have to wear a mask!
Batman: You might be right.
#18
Catwoman: You said you were going to scare the Ice Princess.
The Penguin: She looked pretty scared to me!
#19
Catwoman: I am Catwoman. Hear me roar.
#20
The Penguin: [on the Batmobile's TV screen] Don't adjust your sets. Welcome to the Oswald Cobblepot school of driving. Gentlemen, start your screaming!