Cabbie: Let's get this thing movin'! What the hell is your problem?
Dr. Buddy Rydell: [shouting] Shut your pie hole, we're working here!
Dr. Buddy Rydell: I'm going to need you to retard your anger.
Dave Buznik: It's retarded. I'm retarded.
Dave Buznik: Five hour drive to find out mommy had a jelly bean removed from her nose... Glad I missed work. Can we eat now?
Nate: Ohh, the anger sharks are swimming in my head!
Chuck: Here's my phone number.
[Dave reads it]
Dave Buznik: "You're gonna die, bitch"?
Chuck: Oh, sorry. That's a letter I'm writing to Geraldo Rivera.
Dr. Buddy Rydell: [throws a plate of eggs across the room] I SAID OVEREASY! [pause] Now, why did I do that?
Dave Buznik: Because I refused to spoon with you last night?
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Might I have your first name, Mr. Head, and tell me it isn't Dick.
Frank Head: It's Frank!
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Ah, Fran. Isn't that normally a girl's name?
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Sarcasm is the second cousin of Anger.
Dave Buznik: Flirting is the second cousin of Cheating.
Linda: How 'bout a kiss?
Dr. Buddy Rydell: I'd love a kiss.
Dave Buznik: I think she's talkin' to me. And, uh, I think I can handle it.
Dave Buznik: Look everybody, Pana Banana's got a heinie! He's got a heinie!
Rudy Giuliani: You can do it!
Dave Buznik: [to Linda] I want to have children with you! Children! With your eyes and my... last name! That's all I want.
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Now you are going to go up to her and tell her the following, "I'm sorry I was so rude before but it's difficult for me to express myself when I am on the verge of exploding in my pants."
Dave Buznik: Huh?... No!
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Listen, if you don't tell her that, I'll fail you and send you to prison.
Dave Buznik: So if I go up to her and repeat that crazy shit probably stolen from a porno film, you sick bastard, you'll release me from the program?
Lou: I told you not to go there! I told you not to go there!
Dave Buznik: [singing] I feel pretty / oh, so pretty / oh, so pretty and witty and...
Dave Buznik: gay...
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Dave, there are two kinds of angry people in this world: explosive and implosive. Explosive, which is the most common, is the type of individual you see screaming at a grocery store cashier for not taking his coupon. Implosive, the least common, is the cashier at the store who remains quiet at his job day after day until he then finally loses it and just shoots everyone in the store. You're the cashier.
Dave Buznik: No, no, no. I'm the guy in the frozen food section dialling 911. I swear.
Dr. Buddy Rydell: He was wondering how a man weighing 600 pounds could teach people about self-discipline.
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Dave assaulted a female flight attendant.
Gina: I bet you beat her good.
Dave Buznik: i didn't beat anybody. I touched a woman...
Chuck: Liar, Bullshiter... you're a WOMAN BEATER! And you can't admit it because you're a deluded piece of garbage!
Lou: I have a question: Why is it that Chuck here thinks he could smoke?
Chuck: Cause I do whatever I want whenever I want, you little Spanish fruit topping.
Lou: Honey, at least I didn't make my aunt pregnant.
Dave Buznik: Hi, I'm glad I'm not the only one in anger management.
Bobby Knight: What? I don't need anger management! I thought this was sexaholics anonymous!
Dave Buznik: Uh, I think that's down the hall.
Bobby Knight: Oh, *screw* this! [throws his book across the room and stomps off]