To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II



In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.



Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).



Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.



Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.



A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.



To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:



(You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)



1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.



2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour', 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').



3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let M*crosoft know on your behalf. The M*crosoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.



4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.



5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.



6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.



7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.



Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.



8. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.



9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.



10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.



11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.



12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.



13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1f you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.



14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.



15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).



16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.



God Save the Queen!

ROFL....and it's about time too!

@ged no yank response yet lol

@capt ROFL good one

Only brits get this one I imagine

?

come then where are all the yanks who are upset

maybe they've been beheaded?

@ widsor they dont know what quite to believe as ged said

God save the Queen..

But nobody will take my guns!!

only in America

@capt

nice one capt i think the americans are still trying to work it out

@capt
You mean only in the land of the free!!

@ romeo ya think they do love there guns

@capt
it's amazing there's anybody left overthere

We don't hunt people!

you could try might be fun lol

A few have tried it and I don't think it has worked out to well for them.

Hey this was posted some time back by Mekon

Not that it doesn't bear repeating, it's good fun, but Mekon should be given the credit.

@ quark of course it was an email from a mate over in the UK I did not know that mekon had posted it

cheers to Mekon

Actually ragging on the Brits for the seemingly idiotic things they do is just too easy and not worth wasting the bandwidth on. The fact that I have not to me says something about my character and the fact that the Cap rags on everyone who isn't British speaks volumes about his.

So when we see things like this we just kinda shrug and say "some peoples kids..." and shake our collective heads.

Nuff said.

With so many Queens in the UK I am still trying to figure out which one this is from.

Only good point I can see for this is better TV

@ joker very good you have sense of humour not humor lol

@joker LoL...nice retort.

@joker rofl

Maybe she could merge us with Canada

scary thought mate

this post was meant as satire not to offend anyone take it as was it is Satire

Was trying to remember something about my ex's family history and finaly remembered. The first of her family came over on the Mayflower, highly suggested that he leave Britan and the European continenant at that time. Many of her family eventualy settled in Kansass after the Civial War. Mostly as carpetbagers.
Maybe that is why the Queen does not want Kansass.

He was related to Queen of England at the time of his leaving.

it`s funny ! good one !


like funny Satire that rings true. lol

Actually this is true.

Understand she is reconsidering and may take Kansass, but not Iowa due to Captain Kirck's birthplace being there.

captkirk was born in canada somehere he is an icon?

Yank here ... Adore tea time - lovely. Sorry love, will not
give up my stun gun. ;)

bump

LoL

omg.lol

Regarding #8:

Oh dear, this had BEST be negotiable otherwise,
I shall never give up my stun gun, my sawed off
shot gun, or my sweet revolver.

Hmmmm?

LoL tash, The Queen doesn't negotiate with terrorists OR COLONISTS!

@ged she sends the regiment in you know what I am talking about

Let's see; my father's best friend was a member of the Parachute
Regiment (Airborne Infantry) of the British Army. He still has
a pint or two with his old chums. Negotiating with the Queen
shall be a delight.

bump

I've been saying it's time for America to 'head home' to England for years...since Bush JR came into power...

With respect please don't we are overcrowded as it is.LOL

The only thing that bothers me is that tea time is to close to bong time.lol

yes true, hmmmm tea then bong? lol

Whats bong time? ;) How about tea in the bong (oops water pipe)

Then drink it. We can call it hemp tea.

Long live the Queen
everything stops for tea

Everything ... stops for tea?
Sounds perfectly wonderful. I would like to get a law passed in the states in favor of tea time every day then no matter when you're doing. You think the Queen would speak to the President elect?

I would rather have a Mexican siesta.

Yep, Mexican siesta is great -- I would like that a whole lot with a cup of tea.
:)

Piffle,poppycock! Who wants to sleep their life away.

God save the Queen....ROFL

All depending on where you were gedmen like in Mexico where it could get very hot ... chances are you would want that afternoon siesta. lol oh and yes ahem God save HRH

@ged better God save the Queen then God Save the King (Charles and his whore wife Camilla

Nagila Captain

Think he'll abdicate in favour of his son to prevent him having to wait around like he has.


AHFA

bump

@capt rofl

cuppa tea, gents?
;)

ha,ha,me & the capt...gents,

nice one tash.

oh,and Earl Grey please what!

ok ged forget bout' gents and earl grey ...
whisky with a beer chaser
better?

spot on.

nuts?

Noooo

nuts to go with the beer rofl

Crazy maybe...

No, lol
pretzels

pint of bitters

earl grey please

earl grey for the yank, thank you very much

and some bangers and mash

then fruit pie for dessert

apple crumble & custard

or even Rhubarb. yummy

i think i'll make rhubarb crumble tommorrow

save me some please

I don't like rhubarb :-(

i'll make apple for you then ged, you're very high maintenance rofl

I know lol,home made custard or birds instant?

do you have a preference or do i already know the answer lol

yes,to both questions ;0)

oh so sorry ged. it was conveyed to me by the chef that you get cheesecake pudding. he's the chef for hrh. have to eat it. cannot insult the queen.
rofl

We have all been invited to have tea with HHH. What do we bring her?

Cream tea & roast beef for the Corgi's ;-}

Happy Canada Day!

As you are part of the Commonwealth we bid you Happy Canada Day!